Setting Boundaries and Protecting Your Peace

Boundaries are the limits or rules we set for ourselves so that other people don’t use unfairly.

We all need boundaries. Boundaries are the limits that we set for ourselves and others so that we are not taken advantage of. In other words, boundaries help us to keep our energy and sanity. They help us decide who and what we let in our lives. Boundaries keep our space sacred and allow us to keep our peace.

Boundaries help us protect our peace because they are the lines that we draw to let people know how far is too far. They also serve as guidelines to ensure that no one walks all over us or takes advantage of our kindness while we stand by idly, allowing them to do it. Our job is not to control anyone else’s actions, but it is wise to set boundaries so that we can put up a sign saying, “This far, no further!” Setting clear boundaries ensures that there will be consequences when someone violates them without permission.

Boundaries allow you to remain unapologetically YOU! You don’t have to change or tone yourself down for anyone because you already know where your lines are drawn.

So now the question is: what do you do if someone crosses your boundary?

If someone does cross a boundary of yours, then confront them. It will feel awkward at first but remember that setting clear boundaries actually helps save relationships because it brings clarity and understanding between both parties involved — especially when done with firmness and compassion.

To have peace, you have to be comfortable with being selective with who and what you allow in your life.

Most people aren't comfortable with being selective. They think it's mean or they're worried they will be judged.

It's not mean to have boundaries and protect your peace. It shows self-respect and confidence.

Let go of the need to please everyone, you can't make everyone happy so don't try. The best you can do is be true to yourself and power through it when someone doesn't agree with your decisions or boundaries because THEY will have to learn how to deal with their feelings. You can't control what anyone does but you CAN control what YOU do!

Setting boundaries isn’t always easy, especially if you’ve never had to set them before.

Setting boundaries isn’t always easy, especially if you’ve never had to set them before. It’s not uncommon to feel uncomfortable at first, but it will get easier over time. If you need to, practice repeating your boundary in front of a mirror and then with a friend who can give you feedback about how clear your boundary is.

It’s important to remember that it often takes more than one conversation for someone else to respect our boundaries (whether or not they agree with them). Because of this, don’t be surprised if you have to remind someone more than once about your new boundary. Each time, try using similar language so the other person knows what the boundary is and what their expectations are going forward.

As long as you are polite when sharing your new boundaries, there should be no reason why anyone should take offense at being asked by politely asked not to do something anymore or cut down on their interaction with you because it makes you uncomfortable. Try focusing on yourself instead—why do these actions make *you* uncomfortable? What message does *your* body send when *you* experience these behaviors?

Not setting boundaries is not only draining but it can also lead to resentment and hurt.

Not setting boundaries is not only draining but can also lead to resentment and hurt.

If you’re like me, then at some point in your life, you’ve found yourself feeling frustrated and upset by the actions or words of someone close to you, whether that be a friend, family member, or colleague. But instead of saying something about it, you sit quietly and think about how unfair or annoying the situation was for days on end…and nothing changes.

Now imagine if this becomes a habit for you with different people in your life. You begin to feel resentful that “no one ever does what they say they are going to do” or “everyone expects so much from me but never holds up their end of the bargain”; yet instead of addressing these issues head-on with those around you who have been causing these feelings inside of you (which would be very uncomfortable), it becomes easier to just blame others without actually taking any action towards resolving anything at all. Am I right?

It is important to understand that setting boundaries is not mean or selfish.

When you set a boundary, you're not being mean or selfish. You're being assertive. Assertiveness is a communication style in which people express their needs and opinions clearly and directly. People who are assertive are willing to listen to others. They're also willing to negotiate and compromise with other people.

Setting boundaries doesn't mean that you never give anything to anyone ever again, especially yourself. Setting boundaries is about creating space for yourself so that you can then fill it up with things that are good for you, rather than things that are destructive or don't make you feel good about yourself.

Sometimes you have to set boundaries even when they are unpleasant.

Setting boundaries can be unpleasant. Sometimes, people don’t like hearing that they need to respect your boundaries. Sometimes they will not like the boundary itself and try to persuade you to change it, or even get angry at you for having them.

It is important to not let this deter you from setting boundaries. It can be hard in the moment when someone doesn’t respect a boundary, but it is important to stick with your decision and remain calm in order to avoid making a stressful situation worse. Staying calm when saying no will help build your confidence in setting more boundaries in the future and help you feel less stressed overall.

Make sure that you tell people what the boundary is and why you’re doing this.

• Make sure that you tell people what the boundary is and why you’re doing this. You can be kind and compassionate, but you do need to say it. It might feel weird because we’re so used to having an unspoken understanding about what we will or won’t do for other people in our lives, but it really does help to put it into words.

• How you communicate will depend on the person and the situation. If a friend has asked more of your time than you have available, then send them a text message outlining your plans so they know what they are working with. If they get upset, then show empathy towards them – “I know that must be disappointing” – but keep your boundaries firm.

• Remember that their reaction is not about you, it is about them; this may seem like semantics but there is a big difference between thinking “they are reacting badly because I am letting them down” and “their reaction says more about their feelings than my own actions”. The first makes us feel guilty for putting ourselves first whereas the second helps us focus on setting appropriate boundaries without guilt or shame.

You can also set a boundary by how often or how long you talk to someone on the phone or spend time with them in person.

One way to set a boundary with someone is by limiting communication:

• You can communicate less often than you normally would. For example, if you usually call or text your friend (the one who doesn't understand) every day, set a boundary where you only speak to him or her three times a week instead.

• You can also keep conversations short and stick to what the topic at hand is. If someone starts asking you about something that doesn't need to be discussed, just be honest and let them know that you're not interested in talking about it.

Setting boundaries can be tricky but keeping your peace is worth it.

Setting boundaries can be tricky. This is because people are used to doing what they want, and when you set a boundary, you’re indirectly saying no to that person. If the people you’re setting boundaries with don’t like it—they might get angry or disappointed with your decision. And if you aren’t comfortable being selective about who and what you allow into your life, this could cause some anxiety for you—especially if the person reacting negatively is someone close to you.

However, setting boundaries is important because they help protect your peace and sanity so that even when bad things happen in your life, you can still enjoy some element of wellbeing. And achieving this state of well-being starts by understanding that not everyone deserves access to every part of us.

Boundaries help us keep our peace, energy and sanity

When it comes to boundaries, most of us have one of two problems. Either we don’t have any boundaries, or the ones that we do have are so low that we might as well not have them at all.

Setting boundaries is about knowing what you need and being confident in asking for it without feeling guilty or selfish.

As a recovering people pleaser who has grown from always putting others first and myself last, I can tell you that setting boundaries is one of the most important things you can do to take care of yourself, but it’s also one of the hardest!

Why? Because setting boundaries requires us to be vulnerable enough to dig deep to the areas that we may be uncomfortable venturing to. No need to worry, these are all skills that we must learn and run with them. One thing I was taught growing up, if you don't have peace in your home, you don't have peace in your life.

Be selective on who and what you allow into your space. Guard your eyes and cover your ears if you must. Keep your eyes focused on your actual prize. Apply these simple techniques and watch how fact your mindset begins to change.