The unbecoming is the process of releasing habits, thoughts, and behaviors that don’t serve us. It’s making space for who we want to become by shedding who we no longer are. The unbecoming can look like a breakup, a new haircut, or quitting a job. In 2018 I birthed my son. This was an unexpected turn in my life, but one that helped me shed layers of myself that were no longer serving me. Here are some lessons I learned from that process about the importance of unbecoming and vulnerability—and how it is essential for growth and transformation.
Or perhaps you have found yourself in a life, a job, a career, a relationship that no longer serves you.
And if you’re ready to do just that, then welcome to the club! You won’t be alone. There are millions of us who have been there and done that. In fact, many of us thought we had found our dream job only to find out it was a nightmare. Or perhaps you have found yourself in a life, a job, a career, or even a relationship that no longer serves you. Whatever your situation may be—and whether it came about because of an accident on the job or an illness which kept you from performing your duties as expected—it doesn't matter how it started; what matters most is that now is your chance for change!
It's time to embrace your unbecoming.
Maybe you've been holding on to it because it's what you know, what you're comfortable with, how you've seen yourself for so long.
Maybe you've been holding on to it because it's what you know, what you're comfortable with, how you've seen yourself for so long. Maybe it's just something that is so deeply ingrained in your personality that pulling away from it would be like pulling at the roots of a tree—the only thing left would be an empty hole where once there had been structure and support. Maybe it's even easier to keep going along as things are than to try something new—even if that newness could potentially bring more success, fulfillment and happiness than what we have now.
But maybe the time has come for us all to embrace our unbecoming: those moments when we fall short of our own expectations; those moments when we realize that maybe this thing which seemed like such a good idea wasn't such a good idea after all; those moments when our hubris gets upended by reality. These inevitable moments of defeat are tough but they prepare us for success by helping us learn from mistakes or letting go of things which no longer serve us well so we can move forward into something better!
The unbecoming is the death of your old self. It is letting go of who and what you once were for the purpose of making space for who you are becoming.
The unbecoming is the death of your old self. It is letting go of who and what you once were for the purpose of making space for who you are becoming. It is the space of vulnerability. Where we are honest and open about who you really are. It's stepping out of your comfort zone and learning from your mistakes. It is allowing yourself to take a risk on something new even though you might fail or even get hurt along the way. It is about being willing to accept that you don't know all the answers but recognizing that we do know we can still help others in their own journey.
Let's be honest, it's an uncomfortable process because it requires that you let go of beliefs and ideas that no longer serve you, but which still feel familiar to you on a deep level. If someone close to us dies, we grieve their loss in order to find closure and move forward with our lives; the same applies here — only instead of grieving for friends or loved ones, this letting go occurs within ourselves. This can be a painful process because as humans we tend towards complacency; it’s hard work forcing ourselves out of our comfort zone! The first step is vulnerability.
Unbecoming encompasses all that we are not, but also all that we are still becoming.
You might be thinking, "This is all well and good, but what does this have to do with me? I'm not 'uncertain' or 'unholy'. I'm confident. I'm strong. I'm powerful." But what if those things are just masks we hide behind to escape our true selves?
The truth is that you can be uncertain and unholy—and that's okay! Uncertainty and holiness aren't mutually exclusive; they're the starting points for a journey towards becoming more than what we were yesterday. They're two sides of the same coin: uncertainty defines how much we don't know, while holiness describes how much potential we have left to realize. This is the second step. Acknowledging the need to learn new things as a beginner. Start from scratch and develop your own definition of yourself. Embrace this weird stage of uncertainty!
For me, embracing my unbecoming has meant shedding rules I now recognize as having been limiting and hypocritical at best.
For me, embracing my unbecoming has meant accepting that I am not an expert in everything nor do I have to be an expert in anything.
Being the smartest person in the room is not about having the best credentials or knowing more than everyone else does. It's not about being perfect and having a flawless track record; it's about finding smart ways of doing things that take into account your own unique set of strengths and weaknesses, as well as those of others around you.
If you're always on top of things, if nothing ever throws you off balance—that probably means that it hasn't been challenging enough for you recently! This can lead to boredom at best or burnout at worst (depending on whether or not your work involves sitting down). We need a little bit of challenge in our lives so we can grow mentally and emotionally as people—and there's no better way than learning how we work best under pressure by getting ourselves in situations where we're tested frequently enough without letting ourselves get overwhelmed by them either!
Embracing my unbecoming has given me the courage to give myself permission to be more than what I was told I could be.
Embracing your unbecoming is important because it gives you permission to be more than what you were told you could be. It gives me permission to be a work in progress and giving myself permission to make mistakes and fail. Don't let your ego get in the way of learning, growing and changing your mind.
If you don't embrace your unbecoming, then you'll find yourself stuck in a situation that doesn't work for you. The problem with this is that we end up living an unlived life—not fully expressing ourselves and never growing into who we truly want to become. Open yourself up to new experiences and ideas that challenge your current beliefs, the closer you'll get to being able to see the world is through fresh eyes, and ultimately change it for the better.
Embracing your unbecoming is often times a painful process. It can bring about things like anxiety, confusion, and depression for some people who do not want to release their identity even if it does not serve them any longer.
Embracing your unbecoming is often times a painful process. It can bring about things like anxiety, confusion, and depression for some people who do not want to release their identity even if it does not serve them any longer.
However, embracing your unbecoming can also be a great way to grow as person. You will begin to realize that you are not just the things that make up your life but rather those things are part of what makes up YOUR life, meaning they are just a piece of who you truly are and have no bearing on YOUR identification as an individual or in relation to other people/things around us.
We must begin to see our lack and lack of knowledge as a gift that is preparing us for growth and enlightenment as opposed to something to hide from others or feel ashamed about.
We must begin to see our lack and lack of knowledge as a gift that is preparing us for growth and enlightenment as opposed to something to hide from others or feel ashamed about.
The less we know, the more we can learn. The more we learn, the bigger our brains get—and along with it, so does our consciousness!
We must embrace our unbecoming (aka “not knowing”) because it brings forth new experience; it expands who we are at this very second without fail.
Embracing Your Unbecoming is a great way to think about how we can grow from situations we know aren't working out for us.
Embracing Your Unbecoming is a great way to think about how we can grow from situations we know aren't working out for us. It's a process, and it can be painful, but it's also a crucial part of our development as people. We all experience unbecoming at some point or another; maybe you're going through some kind of life change that makes you feel like your old self isn't working anymore (like moving to a new place or getting married), or maybe something happened that changed everything about the way you see yourself (like having kids). This concept doesn't just apply to dramatic changes in our lives either—sometimes even small things like saying "yes" when someone asks if they can borrow something will bring about feelings of anxiety and confusion over whether this is how you want to be living right now.
Embracing Your Unbecoming helps us grow into better versions of ourselves by putting us in situations where we have no choice but to change who we are as an individual. Being vulnerable gives us courage because it shows you are brave enough to be honest about who you are and what you want. This is step three! Vulnerability allows for new opportunities in growth in ourselves as humans. This is what allows us to grow outside of ourselves and volunteer or help others.
We cannot control how others will react to us. The past can be painful and you may be scared to let go of it, but the thing is, your past self is not who you are now. You don't need to feel like a failure because the person you were in the past didn't work out how they wanted or envisioned their life would go. What we can control is how we choose to respond. Respond by being true to yourself. Ask questions, listen intently or seek out new experiences. Give yourself permission to try something new and see where it takes you! Embrace this opportunity to learn something new and learn who you are through your own eyes, heart, mind and soul.
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