Communication shouldn't be complicated
- Ashley
- Jun 5, 2022
- 8 min read
Updated: Jun 5, 2022
There seems to be nothing more complicated than simple communication. Whether it is about dinner plans once again or maybe something to clear up a dispute earlier about your expressed feelings. Having difficulty communicating makes us want to stop everything that we are doing and just forget to bring up the conversation. Communication is something that we all struggle with because no one thinks the way you do nor will they. This is why we must learn how to think through their perspective and focus on empathy. We must learn how to be effective communicators in this world or we will forever be alone in our thoughts and frustrations.
Gather your thoughts.
Before you speak, take a moment to understand the question or situation. What’s being asked of you? What are they looking for? Be prepared to be flexible and open-minded; if you go into the conversation already knowing what you’re going to say, there won’t be room for dialogue. Dialogue is key to effective communication! You may not have all the information needed to answer accurately, so speak from your understanding and share what you know instead of making assumptions about what someone else might want from you.
Thinking through these questions will help guide your thoughts as well as prepare you for more than just yourself: it also allows you to anticipate any possible questions or concerns that others may have. Do your best to get inside their head—what might they want from this conversation? Are there details that will be helpful for them in deciding how to move forward? When we focus on asking good questions instead of crafting our own answers, we can actually gain further insight into other people’s perspectives and build stronger relationships along the way.
Listen to the other person's point of view.
Ask questions when needed. If you didn't understand something they said, or want them to repeat part of their explanation, ask them to clarify! "I'm not sure I understood what you meant when you said x. Can you rephrase?"
Make sure you understand their point of view before moving on. "So that's how it happened from your perspective? Okay."
Respect their point of view and try to understand it. Acknowledge that everyone brings a different perspective into every situation, and that's okay!
Ask questions if you need clarification.
Don't be afraid to ask questions if you need clarification. However, it's important to ask open-ended questions that don't convey any assumptions about what the other person is saying. For example, instead of asking a question that leads with "but," such as, "But you said we were going to do something different," try asking an open-ended question like this one: "What did you mean when you said we were going to do something different?" Doing so will allow the other person to clarify their position without feeling accused of not listening or understanding your point.
It's also important for someone having a conversation with you to listen attentively as well. Don't interrupt them as they're speaking and try not to add snide comments in between their sentences (like, "Oh yeah? Well...").
Take a moment to really hear what they are saying.
As you listen, be aware of your body language. Are you leaning away from the person? Are your arms crossed or are you making any gestures that might convey a closed-off or judgmental attitude? If so, consciously adjust these behaviors and notice how they change the quality of the conversation.
Notice if you have any habits around this like interrupting someone before they are finished speaking, anticipating what they will say next, or focusing more on planning your response than on listening to them. These behaviors may come out of a sense of wanting to help, but most people can tell when we're not really listening to them. The best way to help someone is often to just listen without trying to fix things for them. Make sure that what they say is being heard and understood before offering advice or insights into their situation.
Do your own thoughts interfere with what they are saying? For example, what happens if you imagine that someone is telling you about a difficult situation in their life – may be something traumatic has happened and now there's an emotional fallout from it (feelings of guilt, anger at themselves or others). Do images start running through your mind about this topic as you listen? This can be distracting for both parties as it takes attention away from the person speaking. Be aware of your mental activity and let go of any unhelpful images by going back to focusing on what the speaker is saying at this moment instead. Notice also whether there are any judgments coming up for you about this person based on what they are telling you such as thinking that they should know better than behave in a certain way or questioning whether something traumatic actually happened to them at all. Being conscious of our own feelings, thoughts, and biases while listening enables us to put these aside so we can give our full attention to another person and truly hear them without judgment or prejudice towards what they have experienced in life.

Explain your own point of view and why it's important to you.
When you’re stuck, it can be easy to default to generalizations. But the most compelling ideas come from a deep sense of shared experience. If you work in tech, don’t just say that your software “improves communication.” Explain what this means, and why it matters to you. Did you use to attend meetings with a pen and notepad in hand? Did you dread the dreaded group chat, or find yourself constantly getting lost in threads? Write about these experiences and how they inspired your product.
And don’t stop there! Keep explaining until all that remains is one specific example of one specific person who uses your app for one specific purpose. It may feel hyper-focused, but that specificity is what makes it relatable for others to imagine themselves doing the same thing with your product.
Remember that communication is a two-way street.
Communication is not just about speaking a language. It is also about listening to what others have to say and taking the information they provide into account when you respond. Think of it as a two-way street, where both parties have equal opportunities to voice their opinions.
Some people are better talkers than listeners, whereas others may be better at listening than talking. But in order for communication to be effective, it must involve both sides giving and receiving information. The best way for this to happen is by listening first before speaking; then when you speak your message will be heard with full attention from everyone involved in the conversation!
Give people a chance to talk back
Make sure the other person understands what you're saying.
Active listening is not just about "hearing." It's about understanding and verifying that what you've heard is accurate. The best way to do this is to ask clarifying questions like, "What I'm hearing you say is..." or "Does this mean that you are saying...?" That way, you can confirm the gist of the message before proceeding. Even if there are some misinterpretations in your summary, it's much better to find out now than to discover them later when it might be too late!
After summarizing what a speaker has told you, make sure you have answered all of their questions. If there are no more questions, simply ask if they understand what was said and if there are any other issues they would like to discuss. If a conversation takes a negative turn and becomes argumentative, try to redirect the discussion back onto neutral territory instead of trying to convince them of anything at this point.
If you are still not connecting, back off and try again later or from a different angle.
If you're still not connecting, don't push it. Take a break and come back to the conversation when you've both had some time to rest, relax and clear your head. Ideally, try tackling the same issue from a different angle in order to help each other open up and express what you really mean. This might be an area where effective communication skills are lacking.
For example: If you feel like your partner never manages their time well enough and is always leaving things until the last minute, try asking them why they schedule their tasks or meetings at the last minute instead of "Why can't you manage your time better?" Be calm and patient while they respond. Listen closely to their explanation. Don't be afraid of contradiction or confrontation; just remember that effective communication is a two-way street, so if you want your partner's side of the story then make sure they get yours as well.
Don't try to change someone else's view -- focus on being understood.
Don't try to change someone else's view -- focus on being understood.
Did you know that one of the most pervasive myths about communication is that it's possible to change a person's mind?
This myth comes from the well-meaning belief that people can reason their way out of any disagreement. That if we just explain our points thoroughly and logically, it will lead to other people seeing things our way. If we can get them to understand us, then it will lead them to agree with us.
But this isn't how humans operate, especially when they're in conflict situations.
Instead of trying to "change" or "win" over someone else's point of view, try understanding where they're coming from: What do they care about? Why might they think the way they do? What biases might be at play? How could you satisfy their needs, wants, or values with what you propose?
Communication is about understanding and being understood, not about convincing someone else to think as you do.
Communication is about understanding and being understood, not about convincing someone else to think as you do. This is the core of what it means to communicate. It’s not about winning or losing, and it’s not about having things your way. The best way to approach any conversation with another person is to imagine that there is no conflict since conflict would mean that one person has won and the other has lost, and in communication, we are all trying to find a mutual understanding. Let's face it: this type of thinking isn't always easy. We want others to share our perspectives so that we don't have to change ours - especially if we're right! But this kind of thinking has nothing to do with open communication; instead, it leads us away from mutual understanding. By approaching every conversation with an open mind you will be able to put yourself in others' shoes and see where they are coming from before trying to express your own point of view.
It's important for everyone who wants to engage in effective communication do their best listening because listening requires a lot more than just hearing what someone else has said. Effective listening involves paying attention without interrupting, acknowledging what the speaker said without changing the topic or going off on a tangent - something that many people have a difficult time doing! Listening is also an active process where each party should contribute equally by sharing their thoughts or asking questions when necessary rather than passively sitting back while one person speaks at length; this ensures that nobody feels ignored because nobody gets left out!
If you want your message across clearly then try keeping some things in mind: Be specific when describing something so people know exactly what you're talking about; avoid jargon unless everyone involved understands its meaning well enough for successful discussion purposes (avoiding jargon can also help prevent confusion between those who understand technical terms better than others); stick with simple sentences rather than complicated ones so people comprehend easily but don't sound too informal if need be--and remember!
To gain more experience in building your effective communication skills, grab this short yet powerful book. It was full of great information about how to be an effective communicator.
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